作者：李岘

笑谈四：一醉方休的结果是喝冰水

Anecdote Four: The Bachelor Party Ended in Ice Water, Not Alcohol Drunkenness

原本是想在自家后院举办的婚礼，随着地点的转移也“水涨船高”：制定了精致的邀请函和选定了伴郎与伴娘，似乎就要延续着西式婚礼的模式继续下去。按照美国的民俗，Maid of honor要带领Bridesmaids为新娘张罗一场告别单身的活动。由于拥有Maid of honor，准确地说是Matron of honor 头衔的妹妹要到婚礼的前三天才能从中国飞到美国，所以这项工作就落到了我那两位Bridesmaids的身上。

I planned to hold the wedding in the yard of our house. Well, as the wedding place changed, so did everything else: exquisite invitation card, and the bridesmaids and the best men. It seemed the wedding would be Western. In America, the maid of honor, with bridesmaids, will plan a bachelor party for the bride. As my sister, the maid of honor, actually is Matron of honor, wouldn't arrive until three days before the wedding, my two bridesmaids would have to figure it out themselves.

其实我是不同意搞这项活动的。一、按照美国的习惯，活动的所有开销都是由出席的人分担，准新娘一文不出；而按照中国人的习惯，哪有请客要客人付钱的？二、告别单身的意义就是在做家庭主妇之前，不受任何约束地再与女友们狂欢一场；可是我的女友们大多都是有家有业、循规蹈矩的中年妇女，能够挤出时间来参加我的婚礼已属不易，哪有闲情逸致陪我们这些单身疯狂？三、我已被工作、论文、婚礼忙到分身乏术，哪还有时间和心情在婚礼之前穿戴整齐地去赴宴？

I was actually not a fan of this. Firstly, in America, all the expenses will be shared by the bridesmaids, and the bride won't pay a penny; while in China, it is the hosts who pay everything for the guests to enjoy. Secondly, waving goodbye to the single life means a wild go-out with girlfriends before being a housewife, but all my girlfriends are all middle-aged, married women with careers. It had been hard for them to squeeze time for my wedding, how would they have time for this bachelor party craziness? Thirdly, I had been fully occupied by my work, the thesis papers, and the wedding preparation. How would I have the time and the mood to get well-dressed for the party?

两位Bridesmaids没有与我争辩，而是尽职尽责地按照美国文化通知了几位我的“闺蜜”，然后告诉我把婚礼前一周的星期六晚上留出来由她们调遣。木已成舟，我只好嘱托她们千万别把活动搞得像年轻人那样疯狂——以我们的年纪，大家在一起吃个饭、聊聊天儿就行啦。

Well, the two bridesmaids didn't argue with me. They did what they should and informed my close friends to leave the Saturday night before the wedding open for the party. Since they already planned it, I could just ask the two not to go too far-- a dinner and some casual chatting would be enough for middle-aged women like us.

两位伴娘还算信守承诺，找到一家极有品味的餐馆让我和七八位女友谈笑风生，儒雅欢畅。正值我庆幸此举多了一份与好友谈天说地的机会，有人因家里有事提前告辞。

哎，她还没付钱呢！负责收钱的伴娘小声地向我嘀咕了一句。她想追出去，但是又拿捏不好做事的尺度，没动。

The two sort of kept their word. They booked a very nice elegant restaurant for seven or eight of us, and the dinner went pleasant and elegant. As I was happy to have such a chance to talk with my friends, one of them excused herself for her family obligations. "God, she didn't pay!" The bridesmaid in charge of the money complained to me. She wanted to chase after her, but was afraid that was improper, so she didn't.

也许我应该付她的那份儿！我知道这位女友一定是不了解这类活动的游戏规则，所以临走时忽略了这个环节。可是我也拿捏不好是否应该为她代付，因为这样做的结果会破坏原有的定义与乐趣。

I thought maybe I should pay for her share! I knew she must have been unfamiliar with the rules. But I was afraid it was improper and it would be against the rules and destroy the fun, so I didn't.

看到晚餐后女友们纷纷掏钱“买单”，我在那里如坐针毡：她们中间有多少人了解这一民俗的“精髓” ？她们是为我的快乐而来，却要为我的快乐“买单”！我开始后悔自己把自己放到了一个极其尴尬的境地。

I was feeling very uncomfortable and guilty when seeing my friends paying for the dinner. How many of them understood the "essence" of this custom? They came to make me happy and there they were, paying for my happiness. I began to regret it, because I had put myself into such awkwardness.

这种尴尬自然要掩饰起来，否则又对不起两位伴娘的精心安排。

But of course, I had to hide it, otherwise it would diminish the hard work of the two bridesmaids.

按照中国人的传统习惯，在餐馆聚会之后，自然各回各家——就像饭后没有甜品一样正常。可是两位伴娘一板一眼地按照美国的习俗已经在高档酒吧订了席位，我只好带着歉意把剩下的人带到了酒吧。

As the tradition of Chinese goes, as common as no dessert after dinner, everyone goes home after the dinner. Well, the two bridesmaids had booked seats in a very high-class nightclub, as was the American custom, so I had to take the group to the nightclub after dinner.

晚上十点，酒吧的热闹还没有开始，我们一行数人又都是亚洲面孔，自然引起店主的重视。坐到了贵宾席，除了两位伴娘与我偶尔到舞池中舞动一下之外，其余的人就正襟危坐地看着；继而哈欠连天。

It was ten o'clock, the club was not very busy yet since people go to nightclubs late at night and most of us were Asian, which of course caught the attention of the club owner. We seated ourselves in the VIP section and except for the two bridesmaids and I, who danced once in a while on the dancing floor, the rest were just sitting there watching, then yawning.

“我不知道在这儿干嘛？来美国十几年了，我还是第一次到这种地方。”不止一个人这么对我说。

Many of them told me that night，"I really have no idea what I am doing here. I've been in America for more than a decade and it’s the first time to be in such a place".

我知道她们真的不懂。别看她们每个人都住几千尺的房子，有些家里不仅有酒吧还有影院，可那是郊外，很少有人在深更半夜到市中心的酒吧里来。然而我又不好意思告诉她们以美国的习俗，今天她们要为我点酒，要让我一醉方休才算尽兴。

I knew they really didn't understand. They all live in big houses, some of which are equipped with a bar, or even a home theater. But they live in suburbs, so hardly any of them would go to a nightclub downtown at a late hour. But I was really embarrassed to ask them to follow the American practice to order drinks and get me really drunk.

昏暗的灯光加上震耳欲聋的音响，不喝酒的枯坐令我几次都想掏腰包给大家买酒喝。可是又一次怕坏了规矩。当一位伴娘问我要喝点儿什么的时候，我不忍心让她再为我破费，就说：给我一杯水吧。

The light was dim and the stereos were loud. I wanted to buy drinks because it was so boring and weird for us to just sit there doing nothing. But I was afraid I would break the rules. So finally one of the bridesmaids asked me what I wanted, I ordered a glass of water to save her money.

也给我一杯水！其他人也跟着要水喝。于是两位伴娘精心安排的活动就止於几杯冰水啦。好在期间有两拨刚刚参加完婚礼的人蜂拥而至，店主也就看不到我们以水代酒却占据着他们VIP座位的情景了。否则他一定会仰天长叹：今晚算是赔定了。

And so the rest of my friends followed me and also just ordered waters. Therefore, the exquisitely planned bachelor party ended in several glasses of ice water. Thanks to another two groups of people celebrating after their wedding, the club owner didn't notice us sitting in the VIP drinking ice water, or he would be sorry for letting us stay in the VIP section that night.

月亮地里端着酒杯与我一起“赏月”的三位朋友中有两位那天在酒吧，并且有一位就是跟着我要水喝的人。

On the moon night, three of my friends were there on the bachelor night. And one of them did order ice water.

她把酒杯一放：我坐在那儿还想呢，就算我们不喝酒吧，你也得象征性地问问吧？你还真让我们在酒吧里喝水呀！

When we talked about the bachelor party, she put her wine glass down and told me, "I was wondering at that time, why you did not order wine for us. I thought you knew we wouldn't drink, but I also thought that at least you should asked. But you really made us drink water that night. "

我把杯中酒一饮而尽：如果不是你们让我把这些事情当成笑话儿写出来，我也许永远都不会提！

I bottomed up my wine and told her that I would never have mentioned it hadn't she suggested to me to write these things down.

好友重新把酒杯端起：写，写，写。你要不说，我们这些新移民上哪儿了解这些事儿呀！干杯！

She raised her wine glass and said, "Write it down. Write all them down. If not, the new immigrants wouldn't know. Cheers! "

月光下，人借酒劲儿，酒借人气儿，就有了今天的笑谈之四。

Wine makes people more talkative, and people's inhibitions leads to more disclosures of true feelings. That was the scene on the moon night, which disclosed my Anecdote Four.

注：美国《东西方》杂志2013年1月刊首发

（待续）